


Rain or Shine

by KrackalackinHolly



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Abuse, F/F, Homelessness, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 23:50:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20455616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrackalackinHolly/pseuds/KrackalackinHolly
Summary: Originally on AFFLalisa Manoban feels trapped. Shes been holed up for weeks at her friend Irenes house after begging her if she could stay for a while and she gives no explanation as to why she stopped going to school or why she crys herself to sleep at night. She just needs to escape. And on a rainy night at a bus stop she meets a blonde haired girl with a bright smile and an umbrella she is willing to share. That girl whether she liked it or not would change her life forver.





	1. Thunder

**Author's Note:**

> I originally posted this fic on AsianFanfics but I wanted to give people more acess to read this wether they don't use aff or they don't like the format i though that releasing it here would broaden my audience. Either way whether i will be updating on both websites for all of my stories so stay tuned and thank you for your support.

It's raining outside. I can hear it but I can't be bothered to look out the window and see it. I don't know how long I had been listening to the hard rain beating against the glass and the rolling thunder.

Thunder used to scare me when I was little. When we still lived in Thailand my mother would have to hold me during thunderstorms to try and calm me down. Only she could seemingly protect me from the raging storms. Now I'm not scared of thunder, I've become desensitized to the noise by now. A childhood of arguments and fights with loud crashes and bangs will do that to you I guess.

A knock at the door brings me out of my clouded thoughts. It's soft barely audible compared to the roaring wind outside." "Lisa are you still in there? You need to come out this isn't healthy. The breakfast I made for you this morning hasn't even been touched. Have you even eaten anything?"

I try to wrap myself in the sheets Irene lent me and further nuzzle myself into her guest bed. I wince a little bit as I accidentally hurt one of the bruises on my ribs. I try and focus on the rain, to focus on anything that's not her right now. I can't see her right now. I don't want to see anyone.

I try and see if ignoring her will make her go away, it almost never does. "I know I told you that you can stay here for a while but by the looks of it you haven't even come out of there all day. I'm getting worried about you."

Stop reminding me of what a failure I am. That I'm taking up space, I just need more time, please. I promise. "

You need to do something like go back to work or the studio. Momo keeps asking me when you'll be coming back to lessons, everyone misses you. You keep ignoring everyone's calls and texts I don't think I've seen you come out of that room since you showed up at my door."

I was weak I had nowhere else to go, you're the only one I could trust enough. I don't want to be here, but at least here is not home.

"You've been here over a week and I haven't made you pay for food or anything. I know I'm your friend and all but I can barely pay for this apartment as it is." I can't go back to work there is no work. I can't go back to the studio I can't go back home. Why don't you get it that I just want to be alone?

"Christ Lisa you haven't even gone to any of your classes. And you won't even tell me what the hell is going on" She pauses, "I think I just going to call your-" No "For fuck's sake Irene I get it hop off my dick why don't you. So stop being an insensitive bitch and leave me alone."

"HOP OFF YOUR DICK YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WAS BEGGING ME TO LET YOU STAY A NIGHT, YOU PRACTICALLY LIVE HERE NOW. AND YOU WON'T EVEN TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON." I couldn't be bothered to listen to her anymore. We have this argument every day and it's almost always divided with the door between us.

At this rate, I don't know why she hasn't just kicked me out yet. Maybe it's because she doesn't know how to lock pick.

Eventually, she must realize I'm not listening and she leaves, probably going to work or something. That's how this usually pans out.

She acts like she cares about me, tells me how much everyone worries about me and then yells at me when I tell her to leave me alone. Its a vicious cycle which almost always ends up her apologizing later on in the night.

Except this time she won't come home and try to apologize. I can't burden her any longer.

I'm no longer going to listen to the rain tonight I'm going to feel it on my skin.


	2. The Ghost of Lalisa Manoban

When I know for sure that she is gone I made my way out of the room I've been holed up in. I wince when I see the bathroom light has been left on. I see Irene's makeup bag half open and the contents are spilling out. She was in a rush I guess, probably going on a date instead. I can't remember the girl's name. Wendy, I think I don't know I don't really care.

I glance at myself in the mirror only quick enough to see a gaunt pale shell of a human stare back at me. I can't remember the last time I ate or showered and I can't be bothered to do either right now. I don't want to see the rest of my body. My hair is a mess, still holding onto the grey dye Jennie put in my hair a month ago. I don't want to think about Jennie either. I can just see one of the bruises on my wrist, only slightly covered by my hoodie, turning yellow. They're starting to fade, I wish the memories would too.

I'm just a ghost now. The ghost of Lalisa Manoban.

I make my way out of the bathroom to the kitchen. It's small but it was always nice to cool in when I had the motivation to do so. It was better than cooking at home. I see my school bag on the table where I had flung it the first day I got here before running into Irene's bathroom and crying on the floor of the shower for what felt like hours. I wonder if my professors are concerned, or maybe my classmates.

I stare at my books for a while contemplating. I doubt they even know my name.

I empty it contents to lighten its load and only pack the essentials. My wallet with all $34 in it, some food that I don't really know if I'll be able to stomach, water, some clothes, and lastly my camera, probably the only thing I made sure to bring with me when I left home. Its really all I have left. I zip my bag and I'm ready to leave but I can't help but feel guilty. 

Am I really going to keep being a coward, constantly running away from my problems? I should at least tell her what happened it's the least I could do before leaving after mooching off of her for over a week.

But what if she doesn't understand what if she thinks in a freak or a monster. What if she thinks I'm lying or what if she tries and tells my parents where I am.

Without knowing it I had begun to shake my breathing becoming rapid, I could feel tears trying to force themselves to spill over.

I can't let him find me.

I find a piece of paper and a pen and write down three words as best as I can with a shaky hand.

They found out

-L


	3. Rainbow Umbrella

I leave, with no coat, barely any money and nowhere to go, but it's better than home and having to hear Irene yell at me again. The rain is cooling against my skin mixing with my tears. I can't tell if I'm shaking from crying or shivering at this point and I don't care. I have to keep running. I remember there's a bus stop nearby I have to get there. Then ill take a ride to the train station I guess. I didn't really think this through did I. I just know leaving this place behind is what I need. I know these cities streets like the back of my hand now. Like I had been born here.

When my stepfather forced me and my mother to move from Thailand to Seoul for work I was scared. Not knowing any Korean and being flung into public school didn't help either. I was bullied for my minimal Korean vocabulary and simply because I was Thai. Everyone except Jennie.

I still remember the first time I laid eyes on her, she was older than me by 1 year dressed in our usual boring secondary school uniform. But she walked down the halls acting as if that uniform like it was vintage Channel. And she owned it, I was instantly drawn to her but I was too shy to even talk to her.

She saved me from a group of bullies who locked me in the storage closet after pouring my lunch all over me. I was crying and I had no idea how long id been stuck in there until I heard a high pitched voice yelling for a teacher. She kept talking to me through the door saying what I assumed to be reassuring words until a janitor showed up to cut the chain that Moonbyul and her gang had locked into place.

It was already afternoon at that point but she stayed with me the entire time and helped me talk to the teacher about what happened. She even offered to let me stay over her house while she washed my uniform. How could I say no to her gummy smile?

After that we became inseparable. She protected me from bullies helped me learn Korean and introduced me to her friends. That's how I met Jisoo and Irene. We've been friends ever since, except I don't think we are anymore. Irene has just been letting me crash at her place out of pity. Irene and I are the only two who talk to each other anymore. Not even a month ago though I was hanging out with Jennie. Why did I have to ruin everything?

I'm just about ready to turn back when I see a group of people waiting in a huddle under an awning with umbrellas and suitcases trying to go home. Shit, of course, there's no fucking room left. Everyone is too busy on their phones to even notice me trying to squeeze myself through to find shelter until the bus comes at 9. I check the watch on my wrist, 15 minutes, 15 more minutes in the rain that's it.

Now that I'm standing still the cold has finally started to catch up with me. And now I know for sure that it's not the sobs wracking my body that's causing me to shake anymore.

13 minutes I can wait 13 minutes. I want to go home I can never go home again I don't think I should do this, 12 minutes. I should find Irene, I know she's not at work, but I can't seem to remember if she told me where she was going.

9 minutes.

8 minutes.

Just 7 more minutes and I'll be away from here away from burdening the people who love just-

Wait when did it stop raining

"Rough night?"

Before I could process anything an angelic voice from next to me rings out louder than my depressing inner dialogue. She looks different than the people around us. While they wait around in white collar clothing she is dressed in a large black sweatshirt that hangs off her shoulder just a little, ripped jeans and a pair of white doc martens and her rainbow umbrella definitely adds some much-needed color on in this crappy storm. Her hair is a honey blonde color and her makeup is simple except for the bright red lipstick she has on. She's cute, very cute shit I shouldn't be thinking like this…

She must assume my silence is due to a lack of understanding what she said instead of my subtly checking her out because she apologizes before speaking again, this time in English.

"I'm sorry do you not speak Korean? I know English too I'm sorry for assuming and all that. I just wasn't sure you know."

She's rambling a lot, her accent is nice too. Australian maybe. 

"No… I'm sorry I mean yeah I know Korean but I know English too"

"Oh, really that's cool guess I'm not the only one."

She giggles to herself. Why is she even talking to me?

"I'm sorry if I spooked you, you looked kinda scared when I spoke. I just didn't like seeing a pretty girl stuck in the rain with no coat. You'll catch a cold you know."

I know that's not the only reason she probably came over to me I was visibly freaking out for Christ's sake and was about to leave before she got here. Oh, right I need to leave.

"I'm sorry, thank you but I need to go"

I try to move around her but a hand on my shoulder stops me.

"Go? what do you mean the bus is here.

I turn around to see a rather angry looking bus driver with the doors open wide.

"Get on first I'll hold the umbrella while you go in."

The bus is here already. Were the last two standing on the sidewalk who haven't gotten on already? The girl nudges my shoulder a bit.

"Come on let's go its gonna leave without us."

Fuck it I'm leaving for good.


	4. Sit with mee

I step into the bus and swipe my card and thank the driver who just gives me a cold stare and nods for me to sit down.

But when I look up there's almost no room. Of course, it's rush hour.

"Shit its packed. Listen there's a two-seater in the back if you don't mind sitting next to me. I don't mind that you're drenched."

Again her voice is what breaks me out of my trance and I can only help but nod.

I sit down in the seat facing the window and try and fiddle with my bag to distract myself.

"Here dry yourself off a bit."

She hands me a small washcloth while she sets down a black case on the floor next to us.

"You don't talk a lot do you?"

I ignore her instead of taking an interest in the black case. It looks like a guitar or a bass. The only instrument I ever found interest in was the ukulele.

"Are you in a band?"

Shit, I said that out loud.

"No, I'm not in a band I just play by myself. I do open mic nights around the city. I play more than just guitar though. Do you play anything?"

"I used to play the ukulele a bit. I do dance though but it's been a while."

It's only been so long because you're too ashamed to look them in the eyes.

"I finally got you to talk eh. I wish I could dance I think a girl who can dance can win over anyone's heart. Oh, my name is Chaeyoung but everyone calls me Roseanne, Rosie for short. It's nice to meet you…"

"Li-Lisa my names Lisa."

I awkwardly shake the hand she offers me. Her hand is warm against mine and I can feel the callouses on her fingertips.

"Oh my god you're freezing, shit your gonna be sick. I have some hand warmers in my bag let me get you one."

She goes through her bag before I can even protest. The rain seems to only be getting worse as the droplets pelt the window I'm looking out of.

"Here it's not much but it's better than nothing."

She places it in my hand, however, her fingers linger on my arm just for a second but it's noticeable. I can't help but blush a little and squeak out a thank you. I really can't seem to get warm though despite all her help. Running out into the pouring rain with nothing on really was a bad idea. It doesn't help either that my lack of sleep is causing me to drift off. Pure exhaustion will do that to you I guess.

"If you don't mind me asking where are you getting off. You can sleep for a bit I can wake you up when I get there."

It's so weird but I swear she can read my mind. Or do I really look that tired? Though I never was good at hiding my emotions.

"Just the stop near Seoul train station… I think"

At least that's where I think I should go. I can always figure it out once I'm there.

"That's my stop too. I live just a couple blocks from the subway but I usually take the bus around the city. I had a bad run-in with a bunch of teenagers trying to steal my guitar."

I couldn't help but giggle.

"It's not funny I almost beat them up but their auntie scolded them for me. Anyway you get some sleep it looks like you need it I'll wake you when we get there."

Instead of saying anything I just do as I'm told. I'm too tired to protest anymore so I let exhaustion take over me as I lean my head against the window and let myself fall asleep to the drumming of the rain and Rosie's humming. And for the first time in weeks sleeping, I drift off without having tears streaming down my cheeks.


	5. TW No more running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note
> 
> This chapter may have topics that are sensitive to some. Trigger Warning for abuse, IMPLIED SEXUAL ABUSE Homophobia, as well as mentions of self-harm and suicide. Viewer discretion is advised. Please avoid this fic if these topics are too much for you.

(Flashback)

"I can't believe he fucking dumped me. All because I wouldn't give him a fucking handjob after going out for 2 weeks. God, he's such an asshole."

I just nod my head and listen to Jennie complain about another one of her recent ex-boyfriends as she drives us to her place. It's become commonplace since she had her first boyfriend near the end of secondary school. And with her cat-like eyes and beautiful body, practically everybody at YG university wanted a piece of her.

He most recent boyfriend Kai was one of the sleaziest guys I have ever met. I knew from the beginning all he wanted was sex, but Jennie seems to always be willing to give cute guys a chance. Even if it came at the cost of her losing Jisoo and Irene.

After Jennie started dating him she and Jisoo got into a massive fight about how Jennie shouldn't be whoring herself around to guys like Kai. Needless to say, Jennie hasn't talked to her since and neither have I but me and Irene still talk.

"Fuck guys at this point I'm just gonna date girls from now on like you Lisa."

It's no hidden secret between my friend group that I like girls. But no one else except them knows, especially not my parents. They finally started to catch on when they saw the number of guys I had rejected when I was a freshman in high school. All these boys and even some girls promised to sweep me off my feet. But something only Jisoo and Irene knew was that I've had my eyes on someone for a very long time.

"You know you shouldn't go around saying shit like that you don't want even more girls at YG begging to date you."

I wonder if she could hear my tinge of jealousy in my voice.

"Oh please, I have very specific tastes."

"Yeah for guys its assholes and for girls its what?"

"Hmmmmm… Idk I still have yet to have a pretty girl catch my eye. Maybe except for one."

We pull up to her house which is conveniently just a few blocks from mine but I already told my parents I would be staying over Jennie's for a bit. It's kind of embarrassing that I still live at home for Uni but I don't have the kind of money to pay for dorming right now and it's not too far away. Jennie lives with her parents as well. Mainly to help take care of her mother and also because her father, a local pastor doesn't want her sleeping on campus around other guys.

"Oh really and who could that be, Dua Lipa?"

"Shut up that's just a celebrity crush and be quiet will you. I don't need you waking up dad he didn't get much sleep last night."

We enter her house, take off our shoes and I walk up to Jennies room while she gets us snacks. I've been in this house a million times by now, it's always felt more like home than mine.

"Dad left a note saying he left to go pick up some paperwork from the doctors and he'll be home later so, for now, we can do whatever we want."

She jumps onto her bed which wakes up Kuma her chocolate brown Pomeranian who begins to lick her face. God, she's so cute. I hate seeing her get hurt by all these stupid guys why can't she just love me, I would treat her right.

"Hey Lis your spacing out again what's going on in that hollow head of yours."

I throw one of her many pillows at her face and she laughs showing off her signature gummy smile that never ceases to make me melt.

"Nothing you dumb bear. You know you never did tell me what your ideal girl would look like."

"Nice job avoiding my question Lalisa."

"Same to you now answer me."

"How about you tell me yours first then I'll go"

God, now I'm blushing like crazy. I can't keep living like this forever. Crushing on my best friend and never admitting my feelings. I need to get this off my chest. Even if she's too dense to understand or she doesn't like me back I don't care I need this weight off my shoulders and I won't give up like all the other times I've tried. It's now or never.

"Ummm I don't know, I guess a girl with really pretty eyes, dark brown and powerful enough to make your knees buckle. A girl who tries to act tough to the rest of the world but in private opens up to be a cute and bubbly girl who begs for attention."

I see that her eyes are all on me now and she's put Kuma down onto the floor to give me her full attention.

"A girl who has chubby cheeks that make her look adorable when she smiles and a smile so adorable it would make any man or woman fall in an instant."

I've given up on keeping eye contact with her and avert my gaze to the trembling hands I have set in my lap. I can't believe I'm doing this.

"A girl that I can trust with my entire life and tell everything to…"

She cuts me off by hooking a finger under my chin forcing me to look at her. Into those same cat-like eyes that made me fall in love with her all those years ago. She wipes a stray tear I didn't know I had let loose off my cheek and cups my face.

Our faces are inches apart her eyes searching mine for approval.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything I need to go..."

"Kiss me"

"What?"

Am I hearing her right?

"Do I need to repeat myself I said kiss me."

I can feel her breath on my lips and I finally give in to the desire that has been locked up for years. I surge forward crashing her plump lips into mine. We both moan into the kiss that seems to shred any last strings of doubt that cling to me. She feels the same way.

Her hands move from cupping my face to the back of my neck in an effort to push us impossibly closer while the other grasps at my shirt. I take my time exploring her lips, they taste like mint and bubblegum and they perfectly match my pace.

I can sense her growing impatient trying to take over the kiss but I quick to subdue her efforts. I bite her bottom lip just enough to make her forget about her task before pinning her onto the bed. My face, just far enough to stop her from trying to kiss me back.

I can't believe I have my lifelong crush underneath me practically begging me to meet her lips again. Her face is flushed and her breathing is heavy and her eyes keep darting up and down my body which is straddling her hips.

"Lisa please I've waited too long for this."

Me too baby girl, me too.

I lean down and kiss her with all my might while moving my hips to crash into hers causing much-needed friction. The kisses become sloppy and needy, each of us grasping at unwanted clothing.

I start to mess with the hem of her shirt, asking for approval. She lifts herself up slightly without breaking the kiss so I can take it off. Inevitably we have to break apart but we take it as a much-needed gasp for air before quickly diving back into each other.

I feel so lost yet so happy, worried yet ecstatic. I have no.way of explaining how I feel all that I know is I need Jennie, and I need her now.

I run my hands up and down her front taking time caress the sides of her chest turning her into a mewling mess. So impatient.

I unhook her bra from behind while kissing her neck, biting lightly on her pulse point which causes her to gasp loudly. Before I could even react I hear her door swing open to see a dumbfounded Mr.Kim clutching document in one hand.

Within seconds his face has become unreadable but the clenching of his fists at his sides reveal his true feelings. His nostrils are flaring. I can feel Jennie who has since moved from underneath me to the corner of her bed begin to shake in fear while covering her chest.

"Dad It's not what you think.."

"Don't you dare fucking speak to me right now. You have no right too."

He storms his way over to us, moving past a whimpering Kuma who just like the rest of us is shaking in fear.

"Here I thought my daughter was I trouble but no, she's just whoring herself out to a fucking dyke."

"That's not what was…"

"DID I SAY YOU COULD SPEAK"

She's crying now, I can hear her whimpering. She never liked being yelled at, loud noises always scared her. I'm too preoccupied with thinking about Jennie I didn't realize he had come up next to me and grabbed my wrist roughly.

"And you, you fucking dyke, get the fuck away from my daughter. You scum trying to taint the rest of us like the whore you are. I bet you try and convert every girl you see into sluts don't you."

"Daddy stop you're hurting her."

She grabs hold of my arm and yanks it away from his grasp only for him to push me off the bed.

"STOP IT LEAVE HER ALONE SHE DID'N-"

A resounding smack echoes the room and then everything goes silent.

"Jennie?"

I feel him yet again grab onto my arm to make me face him as he kneels down to meet my eyes.

"You listen to me, get the fuck out of my house and stay away from my family before I have you arrested for assaulting my daughter."

He pushes me one last time hard enough that I can feel a bruise forming on my side. All of the things that have just happened are now starting to catch up with me. I feel like I'm going to be sick.

"What the fuck are you still doing here. GET OUT."

And I did what I had always been good at, running. I run till I can't breathe anymore, I seem to have run on autopilot to my house where I run in, still barefoot from running out of the Kim's house in a hurry into my room on the second-floor bathroom and puke. I throw up until I have nothing left in my stomach.

My mouth is dry and my eyes have shed so many tears that there is none left to cry. Finally, the ringing in my ears has cleared and I can hear my mothers concerned voice trying to coax me to open the door.

"Lisa, what's wrong, are you ok what happened?"

I can barely make out her concerned voice through the ringing in my ears. But what really makes me come to my sense is the phone ringing. And hearing my mother answer. She drops the phone, I can hear it shatter on the wood floor in the hall. And her once concerned knocks have turned into angry banging.

"LALISA MANOBAN GET OUT RIGHT NOW."

In an effort to keep her out I place a chair that we have in the corner under the doorknob to keep her from opening the door. But that only makes her madder. I back myself into the corner to hide, to try and ground myself by feeling walls around me, its no use.

Again her screams become distant as I let my thoughts take over me. I hug my knees up to my chest and sob, letting all of my thoughts cause me to panic. What is going to happen to Jennie? What is Mr.Kim going to do to her? Is she hurting? Did I cause this?

But the answers to the question that I feared the most is what is going to happen when Papa gets home?

And It didn't take long for that answer to come.

At some point, I had fallen asleep in the corner out of exhaustion only to be awoken by arguing, mainly a mix of English and Thai. Papa is home.

I quickly tried to think of a way to escape, the window above the toilet is high but I should at least give it a try. But hearing his loud footsteps coming up the stairs only makes me panic more. He bangs on the door without enough force I'm sure it would break.

"LISA. OUT. NOW."

Each word punctuated with a kick to the door. My adrenaline is really kicking in now causing me to feel claustrophobic and trapped I need to get out. 

In one last attempt, I jump to reach the small window. And I make it, I got it now I just need to pull myself up. I don't care how high up I am, I would rather die than have to suffer right now.

I begin to try and push myself up when I finally hear my worst nightmare. The door swings open cracking the wall behind it. While Mr.Kim controlled his anger Papa did not, his face was beet red and his fists were raw. I tried to keep pushing myself up using all of my energy I have left built up from sheer fear to escape.

I'm almost there just one more push and I can just fall to my death, make it quick and painless. But luck has never been on my side. I feel him pry me off the window sill and carry me out of the bathroom not caring about my pleas and cries. He's taking me to the basement.

He throws me onto floor hard not caring about what harm he's causing me. I can feel the wind being knocked out of me like someone was sucking the oxygen straight from my lungs. As I coughed and tried to breathe as hard as possible I could continue to hear them argue. Mom never liked when he hit me so she used to let him hit her. But I guess this time she deems this punishment necessary because before I could recover from the lack of oxygen I get another blow to the chest and too my back.

"You ruined this family already by existing and now you want to destroy my image. By sucking faces with the only people who ever tolerated you. Now everyone thinks that I raised a whore of a child."

Another blow lands right below my ribs causing me to dry heave. 

"I'm s-ss-orry."

"Sorry can't fix the shame you've brought to the Manoban name."

His blows continue, making sure to aim everywhere except my face. All the while screaming profanities at me. He kicks me, grabs me, punches me but he can see im growing desensitized to it all. All of the pain has become so muddled I can't tell if I'm still alive. I wish I wasn't.

"I'm sorry P-papa please I-I've learned my less-son please let me go."

"You think that just because you're away at college that means I go easy on you now. After the humiliation you caused me."

"P-please stop mom, please. Hel-p me."

She has tears in her eyes and I finally think that she's ready to tell him to stop to tell him that I've had enough. But she turns away and walks up the stairs.

"M-mom don-"

That's all I can croak out before he flips me over onto my stomach and pressing me into the cold concrete floor. I try to push myself back up. I kick and scream with all the might I have left only to have him to grab my hair and pull me back to whisper in my ear. I can feel his weight on top of me.

"You deserve all of this you fucking slut. You'd think that after all these years you would have learned your place. But maybe it's been far too long since I punished you. Might as well make up for lost time."

He lets my head fall back onto the concrete floor with a thud, my head feels like it's going to split open, and my limbs feel like they weigh a thousand pounds. I can't bring myself to move when I feel him shifting his weight, his hands grasping the ends of my shirt to show the expanse of my back which is probably littered in bruises.

I hear the clanking metal of his belt unbuckling. The sound that always made me scared as a child. Whenever I would come home from school with a bad test grade or 10 minutes later than I had promised I was always met with my fathers face staring at me as I went upstairs. A few minutes later he would come into my room, remove his belt and whip me. Sometimes he would make me count other times he would beat my back raw until he saw it start to bleed.

He's going to whip me until I'm a mess of blood and tears on the floor. I brace myself for the first hit, begging whatever god that exists to make this end as quickly as possible.

But then I hear his zipper go down and the shuffling of fabric and I feel his hands again move to my waist. True panic sets in as tear's I didn't know I had left started to flow again. I muster up enough courage and strength to try and pry his disgusting hands off of me but he loosens the tie around his neck and uses it to join my hands together behind my back. I continue to struggle against his touch, my fight or flight response kicking into overdrive as I try to crawl out of his grasp. I feel the palm of his hand push into the middle of my back stopping my struggle by pressing me harder into the floor. His other hand travels to the waistband of my jeans and I can feel him begin to pull them down.

"P-Please Papa, I don't want-t this. I'll do anything ."

"I don't give a shit about what you want, this is what you deserve."

I want to scream but who will even listen to me, who will even care enough.

His hands move to my boxers.

I want to die.

If there is a god please just kill me.

Please.

"Lisa."

Let me go

"Wake up sleepy head were here"

What?

"Lisa!"

I jolt awake most likely scaring Chaeyoung beside me who has a look of worry on her face.

"We're here at the train station like I promised. The bus got stuck in some traffic so you were out for almost an hour."

She's talking very quietly too almost like a person speaking to a scared child or a cornered kitten.

"Uh thanks, Chaeyoung I appreciate it"

"I told you to call me Rosie already, you sound like my dad."

I tense just a bit and look away, pretending to grab my things hoping she doesn't see me tense at the mention of her father.

"Come on let's get off I'll walk you into the station so you don't get even more drenched. It's still pouring out."

We exit together Rosie going first and waiting for me to get down the steps with the little energy I have left. I don't get why she's being so nice to me. I'm a complete stranger, maybe she thinks I'm homeless or sick. If she knew what I was she wouldn't be helping me. 

"What train are you getting on the only other one right now is too Busan since we got here so late."

Shit, that's a $60 ticket, I can't afford that. What the fuck am I going to do, I have no money no place to stay till tomorrow morning. I can't do this I can't do this why did I have to tell her how I felt. If I wasn't such a horrible person nothing would be this way. I can't breathe. 

I can't help but punch the wall closest to me in any last effort to try and calm myself, but it only seems to cause my heart to race more.

"Hey calm down it's ok there will be more tomorrow."

She drops her case and umbrella to grab my wrist to keep me from throwing my fists into the brick again. I can't help but wince and try to pull myself away from her.

"STOP TRYING TO HELP ME I DESERVE TO BE LIKE THIS, I DONT DESERVE YOUR FUCKING HELP. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE."

I crumple to the ground letting the rain pelt my skin like sharp blades and cry. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to live anymore, I'm tainted, I'm a freak.

I feel a weight settle down next to me and I can't help but flinch from the minimal contact that our shoulders touching creates. The rain on my skin is the only thing keeping me from fully disassociating.

"Come with me to my apartment is right around the block from here. You can dry off and get your thoughts into order."

It comes out as more of a whisper than a statement. I can feel frustration boiling inside of me, making my once freezing skin feel hot enough to turn the rain pelting my skin into steam. 

"Why are you helping me, why are you so nice to me don't you know what I am, I'm a freak. Stop acting like you know what I'm going through and leave me alone."

I bury my head in my arms again, hoping that my little speech was enough to make her leave.

"I don't see a freak I see someone who is lost and hurt, someone who needs to stop running and breath for a minute."

I scoff.

"I'm stubborn so no matter how many curses or hurtful words you try and throw at me. I'm not leaving you no matter how hard you try to get rid of me. If you want to wait outside all night till morning to catch another train then I'll wait right here with you there really is not getting rid of me."

Shes only trying to help you

I hesitate. I stare at her, her face showing only comfort and safety despite her body betraying her by shivering from the cold.

I shake my head to try and get rid of the voice inside my head.

A bolt of lightning seems to snap me out of it followed by booming thunder which causes me to unconsciously grab her arm out of sheer fear.

Go with her, she only wants to help

For once I decide to listen to my racing thoughts.

"I-I'll go with you."

I look up at her, she looks dumbfounded at my response. 

"You'll stay at my place?"

I nod and I see the worry drain completely from her face, her chubby cheeks make her look like a chipmunk when she smiles.

"Good, now let's get going before we both end up getting sick."

She helps me up and retrieves her umbrella which has almost blown all the way down the street. When we begin walking I can't help but notice that she's holding my arm tightly as If I'm going to dash.

I could but I won't.

She's right I need to stop running, I can rest for now, but only for a while. But I can't let the beast catch up to me.


	6. Warm welcome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on out each of the chapters will have triggering content. Please do not read if you cannot handle the subjects being displayed.

The walk is short like she promised and I'm thankful for that. I don't know how much longer I could have walked even with her help. I've already been a burden to her I think passing out on her while walking would make things worse.

Her apartment complex is small, probably only housing 20 people on the 4 floors it has.

"Mine is on the top floor and I usually take the stairs but I'll save us both the trouble and well use the elevator."

She keeps on talking while we walk there but I ignore and look around. Drawing a mental map of the complex in case I need to run, it's a habit I have. We arrive at door 14, and she fumbles with trying to find her keys before opening the door and turning the lights on.

"Home sweet home. Sorry if it's messy I just moved in a couple of weeks ago and I haven't really had the chance to fully unpack."

Her apartment is nice, it's calming and inviting. it looks well lived in despite her only being here for a short time. I can still see some boxes here and there but other than that her apartment is comfortable looking. Compared to Irene's which always felt empty and far to clean for my liking.

"Why don't you make yourself comfortable. I'll go grab some towels for us. You can empty out your bag out on the table to dry whatever's in it."

Trust me it's not a lot. All of my things are soaked, my spare clothes, my wallet, the only thing I'm glad that isn't damaged is my camera which is in its waterproof case. It's one of the few things I made sure to grab when I left home.

"Hey, here you go."

She comes from around the corner in a change of clothes, a baggy long sleeve shirt and some cute bunny shorts that accentuate her hips. She has a towel wrapped around her neck and she hands me a fluffy pink one that compliments her black one.

"Thank you… Really I'll have to make this all up to you. I don't deserve your kindness truly."

"You don't need to thank me at all."

"Yea but I can't believe you're taking in a complete stranger like me. I truly don't deserve this."

"Listen, Lisa, I trust you. I don't know what it is about you I just do. Just promise you won't run off in the middle of the night with my fish and I won't murder you ok."

Wait what?

Before I knew it she was doubled over on the couch laughing.

"You should have seen the look on your face omg. You looked so scared."

What did I get myself into? She quickly recovers from her outburst, wiping away fake tears before trying to speak again.

"I drew a bath for you so you can warm up. I can put your other clothes in the dryer for you but I think you'll have to borrow some of my clothes in the meantime. I hope you don't mind."

"No I-I don't mind at all. Thank you."

"You really need to stop thanking me. I'm just trying to help, you looked like you needed a break from whatever has been going on."

"Th- Ok."

"Good, then I'll show you around real quick."

She marches off down the hall and peeks her head around the corner as if ushering me to follow. The rest of her apartment is similar to the living room, comforting.

"Here's the bathroom, take as much time as you need. I'll be back in a minute with some clothes for you. I'll cook something up for us."

I just nod and give a weak smile as a failed attempt to and match her wide one. She takes her leave closing the door behind her. Now it's just me again back where I started looking at myself in the bathroom mirror.

"Let's just get this over with."

I pry off my hoodie, being mindful of my bruises. Once it's finally off I feel the warm air around me from the bath soak into my skin, making me feel fuzzy. The warmth, however, is short-lived because as soon as I look into the mirror I'm face to face yet again with my reality.

The bruises on my arms and wrists are pretty much gone, fading to an ugly yellow color. But my chest and lower back still adorn the harsh purple ones that are still to slow to heal.

This is why I have avoided mirrors, avoided looking at myself at all costs until now. I don't want to see the rest, what's down there. I avoid it at all costs.

I remove the rest of my clothes hissing in pain, every once in a while when I brush against something bad. I test the water which is still far too hot for my liking so instead, I wrap a towel around myself and wait for a bit till its cooler.

"I have some clothes their pretty big on me so I'm sure the-"

I turn around to come face to face with a blushing Rose. For a moment I forget about why she would be standing in shock until I remember that I'm completely naked except for a towel.

She slams door almost as quickly as she opened it.

"I'm sorry. I… Uhh, I'll just leave the clothes outside the door."

I can hear her bare feet pad across the hallways wooden floors.

Shit, she probably saw some of the bruises, not any of the bad ones but still. I don't need her questioning glances and pity, like what Irene gave me.

(Flashback)

Irene Jennie and Jisoo had all known about my father and his more violent tendencies. But Jennie knew more than them, a lot more. I remember when my dad got mad at me for staying over Jennies past my curfew. Thirty times he hit me, one for each minute I was late. A few days after the incident during break, the three of us decided to spend a week at Jisoos family beach house along the coast.

I was happy to be away from home and to be around the people who truly loved me. And I guess that sense of security made me forget about the bruises on my back as well as some scars from the past. We were out at the beach I was sitting on a blanket with a sweater on and my one-piece bathing suit underneath it. I was fiddling with my ukulele and enjoying the quiet. Listening to the distant chatter of beachgoers and the waves smacking the sand

But it was all interrupted when I felt Jennie throw a seashell at me.

"Lisa come on you can't just sit here the whole time come and swim with us."

I can't believe they sent Jennie, the two of then now she's my weakness. Her little pouty smile, when she doesn't get what she wants, makes my heart soar. I can never refuse her.

"Fine but you owe me one. I want ice pops later."

"Deal let's shake on it."

Our hands meet in a firm handshake and before I can pull away she pulls my sweater off in one move and runs away.

"JENNIE WHAT THE HELL. I'M GONNA GET YOU."

I ran after her long after she dropped my sweater into the sand. And when I finally caught up to her, I scooped her up and ran full force into one of the waves crashing onto the shore.

"You're such a brat."

"And your such a prude for sitting on the beach like a grandma. I think the real people you should be fighting is Irene she's the one who dared me to do it."

Irene must have heard her name because now she looks like she's trying to swim back to shore.

"Oh no, you don't."

But before I could swim away I felt Jennie's hand on my shoulder.

"Lisa what… what happened to your back."

Suddenly the warm ocean water surrounding me felt cold and my eyes clouded over in a panic. She can't know, Papa would kill me.

"Its nothing I swear, I j-just fell down the stairs."

"Lisa you can tell me anything."

I need to leave now, I can't tell her about what happened.

"I don't feel well I'm going back to the house."

I can hear her protests behind me but I don't care. This is all Irene's fault.

Still covered in ocean water I put back on my sweater, now covered in sand and trudge back to the house.

It wasn't till later that night that anyone came and talked to me. I just pretended to sleep through dinner so I didn't have to face her but I couldn't avoid her forever.

I heard a knock on the door of the room me and Jennie shared.

"Hey Lis, can I come in."

I don't answer but she comes in anyway. I can feel the bed creak and a shift of weight next to me.

"I was wondering if you still wanted those ice pops I owe you. We can run down to the 7-eleven real quick before anyone notices."

I still stay quiet hoping that she takes the hint and leaves me alone.

"Look I'm sorry if I made you made, I just want to know what's going on. I thought we told each other everything, Lisa."

"I'm not mad at you. I'm just scared."

I can feel the tears waiting to breach, to spill over.

"Let's go out for a bit, put your slippers on."

We sneak out of the house undetected and the walk to the convenience store is silent, nothing but the sound of the cicadas. None of us speaks until we're sitting on the sidewalk with ice pops in hand. She's the first to break the silence.

"Tell me what happened and don't you dare lie to me Lalisa."

I can hear her voice waver slightly.

"My dad got mad at me. I deserved it though I was out past curfew. He… He hit me."

"When did this happen?"

"Just before break started."

"Was this the first time?"

"I…"

I can't tell you that, please don't make me tell you. I don't want you to be mad at me.

"Lisa"

"No it wasn't, it wasn't the first time."

I can hear her breathing heavily beside me, she's mad. I know she is, she's mad like papa. She's going to leave me now.

"Lisa look at me."

She's crying

I can't do it Jennie I can see you upset with me. I can't break your heart.

"Lisa please look at."

When I face her I can see tear streaks on her cheeks, her eyes glassy and overflowing with tears like a wave getting ready to crash onto the shore.

"If it ever gets that bad again come find me. And if he does hurt you, just come back to me I'll keep you safe, even if only for a little while. I promise."

We pinky promised with hands sticky from melting ice pops and we vowed to stay together forever. To never leave the others side, to protect one another.

Well, look where that got us now huh Jennie. What happened to protect me, Jennie, you're the one who got me into this mess.

Forget Jennie right now we need to get warm. I let the towel around me fall before testing the water again with my foot, then climbing in and letting the warmth engulf me. The heat seems to soothe my muscles and washes away my

phantom pains.

I feel free if only for a fleeting moment. I let my mind go blank and I think about the waves at the beach again. How they lapped at the shore and then receded back destroying long forgotten sand castles and discarded seashells. I wish I could be like the ocean.

"Foods ready when you are."

"Ok, I'll be out soon."

I wash my hair and brush it after weeks of neglect and I notice the grey is starting to fade. Good.

I open the door to see a neat pile of clothes and a spare toothbrush, another thing I forgot to pack.

I change into a baby pink hoodie that goes down to my thighs, it's practically a dress and a pair of baggy sweatpants. I feel comfortable despite being in a strangers clothing. They smell like strawberries and cherry blossom, I like it.

Once I'm dressed I step out with my hair in a ponytail to keep it off my face. I'm immediately hit with the smell of savory foods making my mouth water and my stomach growl.

"Oh you're done, I didn't know what you'd like so I what I know."

I see the kitchen table covered in food, from fried eggs to Kimchi fried rice. Wait but where's my-

"Your other clothes are in the dryer and I put your bag in my room for now."

"Can you read minds or something?"

"Nah. But trust me you're not the first to say that. I'm just really good at reading people's emotions. Especially ones who wear their heart on their sleeve."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means your face says it all, now enough let's eat I know you're hungry."

"And how do you know that Ms.Mindreader?"

"Cause I can hear your stomach growling all the way over here, now take a seat already so we can eat."

I don't know if I should eat, I don't think I deserve to take more from her, I've1 already caused her enough trouble and now I'm taking her food.

"I can order something else for you if you can't eat any of this."

"No-its ok really, thank you for the food."

I sit down in the chair across from her and she hands me a plate and a pair of chopsticks.

"Let's dig in in shall we."

Dinner is mostly silent, quiet except for the clinking of chopsticks and small comments about the food but other than that it's quiet.

"I'm sorry if I scared you before when I barged into the bathroom, I thought you would have been in the shower by then."

"It's fine, thank you for the clothes though there very comfortable."

"Don't mention it, I wasn't going to let you catch a cold wearing your other clothes."

She gets up from the table to gather our dishes and puts them in the sink.

"Let me wash them, while you put the food away."

She turns back to me.

"You sure?"

I get up and meet her at the sink gently taking the glass she's holding in her hand while I roll up my sleeves.

"Yea, it's the least I could do."

She steps away from the sink only to lean against the counter facing away from me. Sometimes glancing at what I'm

doing.

She looks like she's contemplating something, whatever it is it's eating her up. Her mouth opens and closes like she's going to speak but she cuts herself off and shakes her head.

"I'll be back"

She just gives me a weak smile and pushes herself off the counter and walks away. I think nothing of it and I let myself become absorbed in my task.

I feel myself getting drowsy again despite the nap I took earlier, maybe it's the food in my belly that's causing my eyes to feel heavy. I can't help but yawn as I dry my hands off.

"I don't know about you but I'm ready to fall asleep. I was gonna put on a movie but I think I'm just gonna go to bed. You can sleep in my bed if you want I set it up for you."

"No… I cant you've already given so much to me. Let me sleep on the couch I'll feel better that way…"

"But-"

"Please…"

"How about we compromise, if you're comfortable we can share my bed. I promise I won't pull some creepy shit."

"I… Ok sure."

"Great, my rooms just down the hall I need to take off my makeup so I'll be there in a bit."

This is going to be a long night.


	7. Sweet dreams

The door to her room is slightly ajar, open enough that I see her bed bathed in an odd yellow glow. The grey comforter and the array of pillows seem to draw me in, promising warmth and comfort, a place to rest.

I can't help but heed to their call and I open the door all the way. But before I collapse onto the sheets I eye her room. I see a fish tank on the left of her bedroom with a bright orange fish that looks like he's staring at me. She really does have a fish I guess.

The rest of her room is pretty messy, papers all over her floor some with writing on them in both English and Korean while some are crumpled and aimlessly thrown around. There are some boxes strewn about the room, some half-opened some look like they have never been touched.

What catches my eye though is her array of instruments. A keyboard covered in sheet music sits in the corner. The guitar she once had in the case is now sitting on a stand by her desk. An acoustic, old but looks like it has been taken care of very well. The dark smooth wood contrasts the solid white electric guitar that is stood up next to a red amp. It's beautiful and looks handcrafted just for her, the strap is covered in roses and intricate vines and thorns.

"It's pretty right?"

I whip around standing up from admiring the instrument to see a bare faced Rose standing in the doorway. Shes really cute with no makeup on, less intimidating, she looks more like a baby chipmunk now.

"Uh yeah, it really is."

I reach out and touch it lightly as if I thought it might break with the touch of a single feather.

"A friend made it for me recently, a sort of late birthday present. I hadn't seen him in years until I walked into the store he just opened in Seoul and he offered to make it for me."

Shes practically right behind me now reaching out to touch it as well, the sweet smell of strawberries calming me instantly. I turn to ask her where the shop is but I stop myself as I see her clench her jaw tightly. She looks upset, but before I even had the chance to console her she turns away.

"Ah I apologize for the mess, I've been having a hard time with work as of late and I got a little frustrated while writing last night."

She bends down to pick up some papers that missed the basket.

"It's ok really, your room is cleaner than mine ever was."

At least after I left it was messy.

"Oh and can't believe I didn't introduce you two how rude of me."

What, who else is here? She walks over to her fish tank, standing by it proudly like a collector showing off a fine painting.

"Lisa Joohwangi, Joohwangi Lisa."

I stare at her in bewilderment.

"Well come on don't be rude come and say hi, he even gives kisses."

I just shrug my shoulders and walk over to amuse her.

I wave at the fish who stares at me through the tank with his beady little eyes before turning around and swimming into the castle in his tank.

"Excuse me mister that is no way to treat our guests. Sorry for his behavior he's not usually like this."

I burst out laughing, my eyes tear up slightly. It takes me a minute for me to catch my breath.

"It's ok really I can't believe you're scolding a fish."

Wow, I'm laughing like genuinely laughing. I can't remember the last time I smiled this much.

"A smile suits you really well."

I can feel a blush creep up onto my cheeks I turn my head away from her slightly so she doesn't see them turning bright red.

"Uhh-thank you"

"Don't mention it."

Wait did she just wink. AT ME?!?! Wait is she? Does she? But why? I'm disgusting, I'm a monster. I must have spaced out because when I come to I see Rosies worried face close to mine.

"Hey, earth to Lisa. Shit did I break you, Alice always said I was too much of a flirt."

She's so close to me.

I back up maybe a little too fast because I feel my foot fly forward after stepping on a stray paper.

I closed my eyes and brace myself for the fall onto the hardwood but I feel an arm reach around my waist.

I opened my eyes and I'm face to face with her. Her chest flushed against mine and her lips just inches away from mine. I feel like leaning into them.

No one wants you, get away from her you freak

I'm brought back to reality when I feel the aching pain from one of the bruises on my back that her hands are digging into. I grunted in pain and try to push her away.

"Did I hurt you I'm so sorry, I just didn't want you to fall and-"

"I'm ok."

Both of us refuse to look at each other in the eye as she moves to the bed to sit down and pull back the covers.

"We should probably get to sleep it's late."

Shit, she's right the clock on the side of her bed reads 2:38 AM.

"Yeah sure."

I climb onto the bed on the side facing the fish tank and pull the covers up. It's warm and almost immediately my exhaustion makes my eyelids heavy. I plop my head onto the pillow. I can hear her giggle at me.

"Comfy?"

I tiredly nod my head before turning to look at her.

She's smiling at me, her chubby cheeks and bare face bathed in the yellow glow of the fish tank. Her slightly messy hair.

She looks angelic.

"Thank you for letting me stay here."

"Thanks for keeping me company."

I don't think I could keep my eyes open any longer. I let the smell of a thousand strawberry bushes and the warm comforter lull me to sleep.

"Sweet dreams."

I hope my dreams will be sweet.


	8. TW Sanctuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for flashbacks mentions of self-harm, suicide, abuse, and violence. Read Carefully.

It's dark, I feel like I'm trapped in a closet, a box. I punch the walls around me suddenly feeling claustrophobic. I need out.

"Li-s-ahh please."

I can hear someone calling my name, followed by grunts and screams, slightly muffled. It sounds like Jennie. Wait, Jennie?

"Jennie?"

I wait for an answer but I get nothing in response, just more screams. My anxiety skyrockets I try banging on the door. Punching it kicking it.

"DON'T LEAVE M-"

"JENNIE!"

I ram myself into the door in one final effort.

I hear wood splintering and metal clanging onto the floor. I fall onto the cold tile, stained with blood that's begun to dry.

I hear another blood-curdling scream. I push myself off the bathroom floor and run. following the noise until I reach a door that looks just like Jennies.

"H-HELP ME."

The screams are as clear as day, desperate and heart-wrenching.

I don't hesitate to throw open the door. I wish I didn't though.

"J-Jennie?"

She's sprawled out on her floor, naked, covered in bruises and dried blood. She's crying, trying to speak but I can't make anything out. She just whimpers and coughs spitting fresh blood onto the stained carpet.

Then I see her father standing over her brandishing a metal bat. His eyes bloodshot, his face shows no remorse.

He turns around looking at me up and down.

"I had to beat the dyke out of her because of you.

He creeps forward.

"I had to hit my own daughter because of you. Like your dad does right?"

I can't seem to find in myself to move away. My feet feel like there lead. Why can't I move, why can't I run away like I always do?

Coward

"If you didn't lay your disgusting hands on my daughter I wouldn't have to be doing this. Corrupting her like the spawn of Satan that you are."

He stops in front of me, close enough that I see blood spatter across his cheek.

"You're the reason that my daughter turned into a freak like you."

In an instant, he reels back the bat and smacks it into my side. The pain is excruciating like my ribs ripped into my lungs. I fall onto the carpet next to Jennie gripping my chest.

I can feel her hand touched my arm. She's cold. I move my hand to touch hers to warm it, to bring some life into her.

My hand stopped though when a leather shoe that grinds into my palm. Tears that I didn't know were streaming down my face were dropping onto the carpet.

He releases my hand only to kick me in the face.

My nose is bleeding. I can taste the copper on my tongue.

It's mixing with my tears.

"You know the only way to get rid of a weed is to get it from the roots. To rip it out the ground to make sure it can't spread."

He crouches next to me.

"And you Lalisa Manoban, you're a weed that I should have killed a long time ago."

He stands up turns the bat in his hands a few times.

"Have fun rotting in hell."

He swings the bat over his head-

I shoot up in bed covered in sweat.

I feel like I can't breathe.

The whole world is spinning around me. I feel like in going to be sick.

I need to get up. I need air.

I try and get out of bed but my legs feel like jelly and I fall before I even get a chance to stand.

The floor is ice cold cooling my burning skin.

I feel his hands again, touching, grabbing, bruising. They hurt, I don't want to feel them anymore.

I start to hit and scratch myself in an effort to feel anything.

Anything but his hands on my body.

I feel arms wrap around me, holding onto my hands and forcing them to stay still against my chest.

Papa is back to get me.

He's going to punish me again.

"PLEASE LET ME GO- I'LL BE GOOD I PROMISE."

I thrash trying to free myself from their grasp but the arms only hold me tighter, pressing onto my bruised ribs.

"L-LET ME GO."

I feel a hand move away from mine, he's going to hurt me now, now that I'm weak.

I wait for a slap, a punch, anything.

But instead of the pain, I was expecting I feel soft hands rubbing up and down my arms while rocking me back and forth.

Instead of papa's curses and slurs, I hear a calming voice, slightly groggy whispering into my ears.

"You're ok, wherever you were before you're not there anymore. You're safe."

I'm not there. He's not here. He can't hurt me.

He's not going to hurt me anymore.

I break down.

I try and mumble out apologies but they all just come out as choked sobs and coughs. My chest feels tight.

"Hey, Lisa listen to me breathing."

She moves me in her arms so that my head is resting on her chest, curled up in her lap.

"Can you hear my heartbeat, I want you to focus on it try and match yours with mine. But you need to breathe with me ok?"

I can feel her heart beating out of her chest and her breath against my neck. Her hand runs up and down my back like a mother calming a child.

"Ready, breath with me. In…"

I feel her chest rise up and I breathe in as hard as I can.

"And out."

I let out a rushed breath.

"Good job keep going, breathe with me baby girl."

We repeat this for what feels like forever, her hand on my back never stopping its ministrations.

I opened my mouth to speak but my lips are dry and my throat hurts from screaming. Any noise I make just comes out as a strangled cry.

She lifts my head from her chest to look at me wiping a stray tear off of my cheek. 

"How are you feeling? Do you need water?"

She speaks barley above a whisper. I nod my head instead of speaking.

"Ok. Do your arms hurt you were scratching them when I came in here. I could get you some aspirin."

I look down at my arms their red and covered in deep scratch lines, some sport tiny droplets of blood. The lines mix with the yellow bruises making my arms look like they were attacked by a lion.

I just nod my head again.

"Ok how about you come to the kitchen with me to relax for a bit. I have a feeling you don't want to go back to sleep just yet."

She moves away from me and lightly pushes me off of her lap so she can get up. Before I can lift myself up I feel her arms wrap around my leg lifting me into a bridal carry. In a panic, I wrap my arms around her neck for fear of falling but then immediately feel embarrassed about being carried around.

"I-I can w-walk."

"You're exhausted plus you weigh less than one of those amps over there."

She is right I am exhausted but far too afraid to let sleep take over me again.

She hoists me up some more making me bury my face deeper into the crook of her neck. She giggles at my antics.

"I got you I won't drop you."

She walks me into the living room and gently lays me on the couch.

"I'll be right back, make yourself comfy."

She walks to the bathroom out of sight.

The clock on the cable box reads 4:28 AM, I got barely two hours of sleep in. That's a new record.

Now that I'm pretty much calmed down the pain seems to have finally caught up to me. The scratches on my arms sting and I think my arms are going to sprout even more bruises. Some of the cuts look deep and bleed a little. I don't want to look at my arms anymore so I just roll my sleeves back down. My head begins to hurt, probably from the fall.

I try to lay back in an effort to calm my throbbing headache but I'm met with something cold. I shriek and spin around to see her guitar, the acoustic one, plopped aimlessly on the couch. There's a pad and pens next to it too like someone dropped everything they were doing in a rush.

"Hey I'm back sorry I guess I never unpacked my aspirin."

She gently sits down next to me like a person coaxing a stray cat out of hiding. She hands me a bottle of water and two pills.

I drink half of the bottle in one gulp and finish the rest of it off when I take the painkillers. She waits for me to finish before she speaks again.

"I brought the first aid kit too so I can look at your arms, just to make sure that none of them are more than superficial."

I avert my eyes. I don't want her to look at what I did to myself, I feel ashamed. But more than anything I don't want to see them. To remind myself of what I've done.

"Do you want me to roll up your sleeves for you or do you want to do it yourself."

Instead of answering her I just extend my arms out to her. She takes the hint and rolls up my sleeves.

I wince when her fingers brush against one of the scratches. She sighs out a sorry.

"Your right arm isn't bad but your left is pretty banged up. This might sting a bit."

She cleans up the deeper cuts with alcohol and then covers them in bandages. Her nimble fingers working on my arm with care. Every once in a while i'd wince in pain from the burn of the alcohol and shed whisper out a sorry while gripping my hand lightly.

Before I know it she's finished, my arms adorn cute little bandages with fish on them. She gets up once again to put the first aid kit away.

"I'm… I'm sorry you had to see that. And if-if I woke you up. I'm sorry all I've been doing is causing you trouble."

I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't be wasting her time. I'm just a waste of space. A freak.

She stopped in her tracks. She places the kit on the kitchen table slowly and turns around.

She makes her way to the couch and picks up her guitar before sitting beside me again.

She sighs as she plucks its strings.

"I couldn't sleep before so I got up to write some music. Do you mind if I play?"

"No, go ahead."

She starts strumming some chords in no particular pattern. I guess she's making stuff up as she goes along until she settles on a song.

It's mesmerizing watching her fingers effortlessly glide across the strings. I don't even realize the song she's playing until I hear her sing.

"When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom

‘Let it be’”

Her voice is beautiful, unlike anything I've ever heard. Its unique and for some reason the way she sings makes me feel like I'm in a dream. It's captivating.

“And in my hour of darkness

She is standing right in front of me

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be

Let it be

Let it be

Let it be

Let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be”

Her voice wavers at the last note and I finally avert my eyes from the fretboard to her face. There are tears streaming down her cheeks. She puts down her guitar and stares up at the ceiling.

She sighs and wipes her tears then looks at me, her eyes slightly red and puffy from crying but still beautiful. They still had life in them, unlike mine.

“I'm going to tell you something very personal. Something only a few people know about me.”

I face her, showing that she has all my attention.

"If at any point you want me to stop just tell me. "

She paused for an only a second but for me, it felt like an eternity.

"Three years ago I left my home. My parents practically kicked me out at 17 because they thought that me pursuing music was stupid, said I wasn't talented enough. They wanted me to be a doctor just like my sister, just another mindless drone that didn't defy their authority."

She sighs 

"I had never really got along with them, it was always like I was doing something wrong by just being me. But one day I came home and I had gottwn a letter for a callback to a company I auditioned for. Except my mom had opened it before I got home. They werent supposed to see it, I didnt even want them to know that I auditioned. My dad came home later that night and he…"

I could see her fists clench in her lap, I unconsciously rub her knuckles with my hand. Something I would do to help calm Jennie down when she was upset.

“My dad got really...angry with me. I guess you say he reacted really badly. He destroyed everything, my keyboard my music, and my baby blue electric guitar, a gift from my grandpa who had passed away a few years before. Basically everything but this old thing here. And after being locked up under their control for almost a week I just left. I took what I could carry, stole enough money for a one-way ticket from Australia to Korea and never looked back."

She moves her hand to hold mine, our fingers interlock, it feels natural. Like they were meant to be together.

“I didn't really have anywhere to go once I got here. I barely knew any Korean. I didn't have any money or a job, I just had me and my guitar. And that's what my life was like for a while. I lived on the streets for a while, playing on street corners, getting harassed. People telling me to go get a real job, random men following me and promising me a place to stay if I offered them my body.“

She looks back up at the ceiling again, closing her eyes as if looking back. I squeeze her hand to let her know I'm still listening.

"After a while I got enough money to rent a crappy apartment but it wanst long before I couldnt keep up with my expenses and was kicked out of yet another home. It was then that I hit an all-time low. I hated my body I felt I had no talent. I was sick of being harassed and hated and I...”

She paused again, gripping her left sleeve, contemplating a bit before rolling it up.

Her arms are a pale milky white, smooth except for angry lines that adorn her skin. Some of them are faint and thin, small enough that within a year you'll barely be able to tell there was a scar there but some are wide and look like they needed stitches. My eyes land on one that travels down from the top of her wrist to the crook of her elbow, it's still healing. 

“That friend I told you about earlier, the one who gave me that guitar found me while I was preforming in a park. He invited me to stay with him for a bit, his apartment was right above his shop. At that point, I was already self-harming regularly and it was only getting progressivly worse, and one night I took it too far. He found me in the bathroom and called an ambulance. I spent almost a month in the hospital.”

Her hand grazes the longest scar. I leaned on her shoulder to get a better look at it. She doesn't seem to mind and she leans into me too. 

“When I got out he helped me get back on my feet, set me up with therapy and all that. And now I'm here, living in my first real apartment with a real job playing music. Doing something that I love.”

She moves away from me suddenly, taking her hand away from mine. I hate to admit it but I miss the contact.

"I don't know why I'm even saying all this. I just… I want you to know that I've been in the same place you are right now. I mean I still am, but I'm getting there. It's just when I saw you standing in the rain with nothing but your bag and the clothes on your back, I couldn't help but see myself in your shoes. Lost in a sea of people who didn't care about you, rejected and neglected by everyone around you. I don't know your situation or where you've been but I want you to know I'm here for you.”

She stares into my eyes.

“I won't let you battle this on your own.”

That's what Jennie said, she said she would always be there for me. What's to say that you won't be just like my family and reject me once you see the real me. The freak that I am.

Everyone leaves me once they see what's underneath the surface.

But for some reason, her promise feels different than the rest and there's a part of me deep inside the recesses of my brain that wants to believe her. That wants to tell her everything to let her help me.

I feel her hand touch my chin making me look at her again.

“Please stay for a while, at least until you're back on your feet.”

Her eyes are pleading and they bore deep into my soul and for a second my mind goes blank. No longer is my brain filled with the slurs of the demons in my head, its quiet.

I don't answer her. Instead, I just hug her. I hold onto her as if she could just slip out of my fingers any second and turn into dust. As if I might lose her.

I cry again into her shoulder for what feels like the hundredth time.

“Let me be your sanctuary.”


	9. Acoustic mornings

I feel rested, still tired, but annoyed with the light that keeps peeking through that is making it harder for me to fall back asleep. I feel safe for some reason, I feel warm like I'm sitting in a strawberry field with the sun beaming down on me.

I nuzzle into the bed to get comfier but I hear something groan. Wait, What? I don't think beds make noises.

I shoot up to see Rosie underneath me snoring quietly, her chest rising in sync with my breathing.

I guess exhaustion had caught up with us.

I'm laid out on top of her, her fingers are tangled in my hair. My legs straddling her thigh. My cheeks are getting red.

I guess I passed out on top of her last night after we talked it all out. I was crying for a long time all the while she calmed me down and spoke reassuring words.

I'm surprised I didn't wake up again from a nightmare. For the first time in weeks, I slept and woke up on my own. No bad thoughts as soon as I wake up, no arguing with my inner demons, and no Papa.

Maybe she really is good for me. 

I see her stir a bit in her sleep the hand she had in my hair moves to the small of my back. She mumbled something I can't quite make out.

I look at the clock, it's almost 10:30 PM. 

"Hey, Rosie we gotta get up."

I shake her shoulder a bit. She pouted a bit and turned her face away from me.

"Five- Jus' five more minutes."

God, she's adorable when she's cranky. 

"Rosie come on its really late already we t-"

In a split second, she has me flipped over, my back hitting the cushions of the worn-out couch. My heart is beating a thousand miles a minute all the while she glares at me with squinted tired eyes.

"I said five more minutes."

Her raspy Australian accent sends shivers down my spine. My face must be flustered because she giggles before collapsing on top of me burying her face in the crook of my neck.

I can feel her breath on my neck. I assumed she was asleep until she spoke again into my ear.

"How did you sleep?"

"Ok, I guess."

I try to shrug but her weight on top of me but she keeps me from doing so. She lifts herself with her arms so she's hovering above me again. She moves a stray hair out of my eyes and tucks it behind my ear. 

"No more nightmares?"

"No, I pretty much passed out in your arms. Sorry about that." 

"No it's okay really, that was the best I've slept in a while if I'm being honest. My neck kinda hurts though from sleeping on this crappy couch. I tried to move you off of me so I could bring you to bed but you kept grabbing onto me like a baby koala."

"I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or not."

"It was pretty cute, you kept on whining every time I moved. I fell asleep shortly after you did."

I can help the blush that creeps up onto my cheeks. I can't tell if its the fact that I passed out on top of her or because a beautiful girl is practically straddling my waist. I think it's the latter.

I see her blush too while looking down at me. The hoodie she gave me last night is sliding off my shoulder slightly. I see her gawk at me before she snaps out of it and slips off of me to get off the couch.

"Uh, I'm gonna go to the bathroom, think about what you want for breakfast."

"Yea ok."

She groggily walks to the bathroom stretching along the way and sighing when she seems to loosen a knot in her back.

Now that she's gone I feel like any motivation I had drained out of me. Its like shes an angel that keeps the demons away from me but as soon as she's gone they attack me. It's almost like as soon as she's gone I get reminded of all the shit I've done. I can't believe how dependent I am on a random stranger.

I don't think I can really call her stranger after what she opened up to me about last night. Hell, I’m more of a stranger to her she knows nothing about me.

I roll up my sleeves to see the damage of last night. Most of them have already faded, leaving nothing but thin red lines but I can't bring myself to look at the ones covered in bandages. 

Rosie makes her way back over to me. She sits down on the couch and rolls my sleeves back down for me before bringing me into a light hug.

"What happened last night is in the past, the only thing you can do now is moving forward."

She kisses the top of my head gingerly taking my silence as my understanding.

"How do pancakes sound?"

My head shoots up and my stomach growls. I nod my head excitedly. It's been a while since I’ve had a homemade breakfast. And from the dinner we had last night I can tell I'm in for a treat. 

"Alright, pancakes it is. Go freshen up and then join me in the kitchen."

By the time I'm done brushing my teeth shes already started making the batter. A cute apron adorns her waist, her blonde hair messily thrown into a bun on the top of her head. She looks so domestic.

"Hey, could you grab a pan from the cabinet under the sink and put it on the stove for me."

I do as I’m told trying not to make a mess of the haphazardly stacked kitchenware in her cabinet.

“Thanks, could you set the table for me?” 

I nod my head fervently my mind getting clouded with the thought of food. When Papa was in a good mood he used to make food all the time, treating me and my mother to all sorts of dishes sweet and savory but my favorite was always his breakfast food. Food seemed to be the only thing that made us feel like a family. Other than that he was no father to me at all.

I must have spaced out because Rosie taps me on my shoulder with a hot plate of pancakes and maple syrup in her hands motioning for me to take a seat across from her.

I finish setting own the rest of the utensils before joining her. Just like yesterday, the table is mostly quiet while we eat. I poke around at my food, it seems the thoughts of my family have ruined my appetite once again.

“What's wrong, did I burn yours? You seemed really excited for them when I offered to make them for you.”

I unconsciously start to scratch at my thighs. 

“No I’m sorry they're good, I guess I just lost my appetite.”

Her eyes return to her own plate, she's begun to toss around her food too. But instead of trying to bring up why I'm refusing to eat she switches to another topic which catches me off guard.

“Where are you from, I've been meaning to ask you?”

My hand clutches to the fork in my hand. 

“I mean yesterday when I asked you if you knew Korean or English you spoke both so I was wondering if you're from the states or somewhere else.”

I continue to rub my nails against my thigh through the thick fabric of my sweatpants in an effort to try and keep myself grounded. I don't think it's really working

“I-I’m from Thailand, that's where I was born. But my mom and I moved to Korea when I was 11.”

It's a simple question, why is it so hard to talk about then.

“Really? The friend I was telling you about is from Thailand too, I think you would like him. I mean he can be a bit of an idiot sometimes but he's always there when you need him.”

She grows silent for a bit then puts down her fork and gets up from the table. She takes my plate too, I didn't protest. I guess both of us aren't hungry anymore.

I Get up and move to the sink to wash the dishes once again, she doesn't protest instead we fall into a natural rhythm of washing and drying. Once we're finished she dries her hands and ushers me over to the couch again. The pillows and blankets we used last night were all haphazardly scattered all over the floor. Rosie takes her time fixing the living room a little before grabbing her guitar and resumes her position from last night. I let myself get lost in the nonsense strumming of her guitar until an out of tune note causes her to grimace and snap herself out of her focus.

“Umm… I don't have anything to do today, I had my last gig of the week yesterday so I'm free until Monday. I don't have much to do other than writing some music and going shopping for more groceries later but other than that I was just going to relax for the weekend. I'm not really used to having other people around either so sorry if I get lost in my head sometimes”

That makes two of us I guess.

“You can sit and watch tv while I play or if you don't want to hear it I can move to my bedroom.”

I see her move to get up.

“No, I-I actually really enjoy you playing, it's calming.”

Her eyes soften and I can see a small smile creep onto her face as she sits back down and ushers me to sit next to her. As I get comfortable I can hear her begin to play again, this time she's much more happy with the tuning and continues playing. I get lost in the music, letting it take all of my worries away. 

There's a knock at the door, it's rapid and loud, a complete break from the soft guitar just moments ago, it makes me jump. It reminds me of when papa was kicking down the door, my last line of defense. I feel my chest start to tighten, they've found me he's going to hurt me. 

She must notice me tensing up because she pulls me into an embrace resting my head on her chest protectively. 

“Hey everything is going to be ok, no one is going to hurt you it's just someone at the door. I'll go see who it is ok just let me…”

The knocking gets louder and is now coupled with shouting from the other side that I can't make out and it only makes me tighten my hold on Rosie’s sweatshirt even more. 

“Lisa you're safe, no one is going to hurt you, I'll be back I promise just let me get the door.”

She will keep you safe, let go. 

I loosen my grip enough to let her get up slowly and rushes to stop the incessant knocking at the door. I let myself wrap my arms around my knees and I close my eyes in an effort to calm myself down. I let the same mantra run on repeat in my head.

She will keep you safe.

Rosie will keep you safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a far as I've gotten with updating, I now have this story on two websites and will update them at the same time once I have new chapters out. Please be patient with me as I have school starting again.


	10. Answer

This chapter and the next couple of chapters will be in Rosie's POV. The usual warnings apply. Please enjoy I am glad to be back to writing.

\--------------

Fuck why does everything have to go wrong for me? Just as she was feeling comfortable shit like this has to happen. Whoever's at the door is going to get punched in the face or worse if they don't have a good explanation. 

I fling open the door and am face to face with a rather disheveled looking man standing in front of my door getting ready to knock again.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

“Bam Bam, what the hell are you doing here?”

“Thank fucking god I was about to get your landlord to bust this door down for me. Where have you been?"

“What the hell Bams your the one asking where I've been. How about when I needed you at that show the other night huh?”

“Don't what the hell me Rosie you have a shit ton of explaining to do right now. What the hell were you talking about last night.”

“Listen, Bams I don't have time for this kind of shit right now I'm kind of busy.”

“Yea I could tell you haven't answered any of my calls in the past 48 hours and all I get is one cryptic ass message at 3 am how else do you expect me to react.”

I was serious when I said I can't deal with this shit right now ok just leave me alone. 

I need to get back to Lisa, she's freaking out right now. I need to get rid of Bam Bam now, I can deal with him later but Lisa, I can't leave Lisa like this. Not after whats, she's been through.

"No I'm not doing this shit again Rosie were sorting this shit out right now-Hey don't you dare close this door on me."

In the middle of his little speech, I try and shut the door on him only to catch it before it slams shut. I'm ready to yell at him when I heard a loud thud from behind me. I forget about Bam Bam and to rush back to the living room and see Lisa on the floor shaking with her hands clasped over her ears. In an instant i’m by her side once again, scooping her up into my arms and holding her tight against me.

I can feel her struggle against my grasp, thrashing and screaming out incoherent apologies into my chest.

“You're ok baby girl calm down it's just me it's me Rosie you're ok no ones gonna hurt you.”

“You didn't close the door all the way dumbass…Wait, Rosie who the, what the hell is... is she ok?”

My head spins towards Bam Bams' direction as he extends his arm to touch unconsciously to console her. I smack his hand away, the sound causing her to recoil into me slightly, her arms wrap around my middle in an effort to make us impossibly closer.

“Bam Bam for once listen to me, don't try and touch her she's hypersensitive right now from all the yelling and noise, I just need to calm her down. Could you go get me some water and painkillers from the cabinet I think she fell off the couch while she was panicking.”

He doesn't say a word as he rushes off to go find water in the fridge. I keep hearing her trying to croak out sentences but they just come out like babble, a mix of english korean and what I assume is thai. 

Bam Bam comes back with the water and pills just as I start to see her come too. I cup her chin to look at her face, her eyes look glazed over and red and her cheeks are stained with tears. I need to speak as calmly as possible so I don't send her back into a panic.

“Hey baby girl how are you feeling, are you hurt do you need water?”

“N-need the bathroom, t-think I'm gonna throw u-p.”

I’m quick to lift her up, her arms instinctively wrap around my neck as I run her to the bathroom and place her in front of the toilet seconds before she throws up her breakfast.

I rub her back and hold her hair out of the way and I see her knuckles turn white from gripping the porcelain. Bam Bam places the water bottle and pain killers next to me and I give him a slight smile before returning my attention back to Lisa. 

“Who did this to you, who hurt you?” 

I hear her breathing slow and her body slumps over to the side almost collapsing into my lap. I quickly get her to gulp some water along with the aspirin before shes passed out again, probably from exhaustion. 

I pick her up once again and bring her into my room to lay her on my bed to rest, I sit beside her the entire time waiting for her to drift off. Once I see her breathing even out I kiss her on her forehead and walk out, leaving the door to my room slightly ajar just in case I need to run back in. 

I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding in as I walk into the kitchen to grab myself bottle of water to try and calm myself down. But when I turned around to head back to my room I'm met with Bam Bam blocking my way. His face is deadpan and serious, a look of disapproval that I'm all too familiar with.

“Who is she Rosie?”

When I don't answer he motions towards my room his hand reaching to grab the door handle but I stop him from going any further by grabbing his arm. 

“Look I met her at the bus station after the show the other night, and I mean if you saw her then and there drenched and scared. I-I couldn't leave her like that so. I let her stay the night...”

He scoffs at me and rubs his temple with his hand before speaking again.

“I don't care how you met her who is she? You probably know nothing about her. Hell Rosie, she could have stolen all your shit. What were you thinking?”

I want to argue with him but I know I can't for several reasons. One because I don't want to wake up Lisa and two because he's kind of right. I know basically nothing about her, but at the same time, I feel like I know everything about her.

“Listen, your right barely know her, but I do know one thing, she needed help. Last night…” 

I pause feeling myself getting choked up. 

“When I was getting some spare clothes for her to sleep in I saw these… these bruises. All over her back and savage-looking scratch marks and teeth marks. And that wasn't all there were scars, old and new and I… I just couldn't let her go back out there like that. Whoever did that to her is still out there I just...”

I avert my gaze to the floor and I grip the cuffs of my hoodie in my hands to keep my nails from digging into my palms. I feel his strong arms wrap around me bringing me in close and that's when my tears start flowing.

“Bams I-I couldn't leave her, I knew s-she wasn't ok I couldn't leave her there. I couldn't let her end up like… like...”

Like me

“Shh… Rosie it's ok I’m not mad at you, you know I just get worried. You're ok you did the right thing. I'm sorry for getting angry. Did you try and contact the police.”

"No I-I wanted to wait to talk to her about it, I don't want to scare her off or make her feel like I'm pushing her problems onto other people."

He continues his mantra of words but I know his mind is else. I can tell he still doesn't trust me having a stranger in my house but at least he's willing to try for me. Its all I could really ask from him.

“I've still got a shit ton of questions I need to be answered.”

I can't help but chuckle, “Yeah I know I know I'm really sorry about the other day, I've just had a lot on my mind and I know you were trying to help its just…”

With Lisa at the forefront of my mind I haven't really gotten a chance to fully digest what had happened the last couple of days. At my show yesterday Bam Bam showed up as per usual to show his support for me, he truly is my best friend and at the same time my manager.

Recently he'd been trying to get me to hang out with other people besides him. Whenever I wanted to hang out, my intentions were for it to be just the two of us. But he'd always end up bringing other people along, specifically this one girl Nayeon. 

“I mean I can't blame it all on you, neither of us probably thought the night would have ended like it did.” 

"I guess I'm not really ready for taking a big step like that just yet.”

We both fell silent for a bit it's nice, compared to all the yelling and arguing we've done. We split apart from our bear hug, I move to the kitchen to make tea while he slumps against my beat-up couch.

"So what actually went down between the two of you, you and Nayeon I mean."

Nayeon, the insatiable flirt, funny and witty and fresh out of a 3 year-long relationship with a serial cheater. To her, I was just a really pretty rebound, nothing more. She hid her intentions well but I could see right through her, she was just looking for hookups. Something I had made clear to her on multiple occasions I didn't want to be apart of. 

"She just didn't know when to stop. She came up to me after I had performed in the back room, practically piss drunk and tried making out with me. What more is there to say?”

A lot more actually but he doesn't need to know it all.

“I mean you could have told me what happened.”

“Yeah and maybe you'd realize that after weeks of trying to get us together that I wasn't interested. But I guess you and her are the same.”

It's harsh but it's true, well maybe a bit more snappy than I intended.

“I’m sorry for pushing her onto you, especially with what both of you are going through at the moment. I really am sorry Chae just… Don't run off on me like that, please…”

He pauses before I see the slightest smile.

“I swear you're gonna make my hair turn grey.”

“You kidding me, you already had grey hairs when I met you.”

“Yea sure miss I almost bleached all of my hair off because I fell asleep with dye in.”

I get up to grab a throw pillow from my arsenal and chuck it at him.

“THAT WAS ONE TIME, ONE TIME.”

He too started grabbing pillows retaliating and blocking my blows with my stuffed rabbit-like its a shield.

“Yea but you still called me crying that you thought you were gonna go bald.”

“Bam Bam Shut up before I…”

“B-Bam Bam…?”

Our heads shoot to the hallway where a tired-looking Lisa is huddled in a blanket. I'm about to get up and rush to her but from the corner of my eyes, I see his eyes go wide.

“Pockpack? I-Is...is that you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally better after having kidney complications since August. (I am much better now do not worry about me). I'm happy to be back and motivated to write again Thank you all for waiting for me. Expect more soon hopefully. Love you all


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